i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
