and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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