I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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