I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
