Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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