There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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