Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
