The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
