Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize