god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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