I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
