He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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