I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize