We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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