haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
