His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
