if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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