Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize