he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
