If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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