If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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