At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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