Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
