We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
