Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
