so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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