I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
