i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
