Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
