I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
