he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize