Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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