i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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