When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize