just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
