I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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