Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
