i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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