I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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