Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
