I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize