I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize