You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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