I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
