I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
