I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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