My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize