Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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