now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
