FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
