my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
