I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
