I hate all girls vehemently.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
