3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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