you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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