a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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