you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
