a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
