so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
