I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
