Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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