Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
